


Letters from the Dead

by allytherandomizer



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24314944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allytherandomizer/pseuds/allytherandomizer
Summary: This is a rewrite of a work that was previously published on DeviantArt.You, Squad Leader (F/N) (L/N)-Ackerman, have died while in active service to the Survey Corps, just not how anyone thought you would (yourself included). Due to an illness that has affected various members of your family, you have joined the fallen. So in order to attempt to pick back up those you left behind, you have written your closest comrades letters that are to be handed out after you take your last breath, starting with your husband, Captain Levi Ackerman.
Relationships: Hange Zoë/Erwin Smith, Levi/Reader, only slightly though - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	1. Levi

**Author's Note:**

> I am going to attempt to be posting multiple stories at once, as revising The Younger Stark is taking a lot longer than I originally anticipated, and I want you to be able to read as much of my work as possible.

You were gone. 

All these years of both of you beating the odds time and again, losing Furlan and Isabel, becoming known for your respective titles, losing Erwin, finally taking back Shiganshina, and what took you from him? A fucking illness. An illness that you kept from him, kept from everyone. 

Except for Hanji.

“Levi, talk to me.”

And Shitty Glasses refuses to let him grieve in peace.

“I know you’re in there, Levi. Don’t make me order you to open the door.”

He scoffed before finally lifting himself from his desk to answer the door. When he had, he came face-to-face with the one person in the world he did not want to speak to for the foreseeable future. 

Flashes of the last time they were in the same room together swirled through his mind: your face looking to be at peace for the first time in his recent memory as you apologized and said your farewells, your last breath leaving your body, Hanji pulling him away from your corpse so that you could be given a proper burial, Hanji telling him everything they knew about what happened, him lunging at his commanding officer in anger and grief and slamming Hanji against the wall repeatedly, Jean and Armin pulling him away before he could do any real damage.

He was brought out of his reverie when Hanji cleared their throat, their own face just as grief-stricken as his own. But his eyes zeroed in on what his commanding officer held in their hands. There, in your handwriting, was an envelope with his name.

“(F/N) left one for everybody in a box she kept in the bottom drawer of her desk.”

Hanji placed the envelope in his own and made their way out to deliver the others, only for Levi to call after them before they could get too far. When the commander had, he looked them in the eye as he said, “Thank you.”

All he received was a sad smile and “It’s the least I could do,” before the commander of the Survey Corps made their way down the staircase.

Levi made his way back into his office, locking the door behind him and holding what could very well be the last thing he will ever receive from his deceased wife. As he sat back down at his desk, he traced his name written by your hand, remembering when you could barely hold a pen correctly. How your chicken scratch became not only legible but elegant. Now he wouldn’t even be able to see that evolve any more than it had.

He finally steeled himself to grab a letter opener and break the seal, but that was about as far as he got when the tears started forming again. He couldn’t even avenge your death like the two of you had with so many of your friends and comrades. He just wrote off your mood following the doctor’s appointment as frustration over letting a “common cold” get to you. And he was stupid enough to believe you when he would see you shake uncontrollably on occasion as the two of you got into bed and you said you were fine. Hell, you were more emotive in the last seven months than you had been in almost a decade. Why didn’t he connect the dots?

_ Why didn’t you tell me you were sick in the first place? _

He hadn’t genuinely cried like this since Isabel and Furlan died, and even then, he was angrier than anything else. He should be grateful that he got to say goodbye to you because that was the least that you deserved after all of the shit he’s put you through over the years, but it just made this new hole in his heart so much emptier. 

_ Why didn’t you  _ **_trust_ ** _ me? _

_ Why did you  _ **_leave_ ** _ me? _

_ Why didn’t I **try** harder? _

He knew that more likely than not, the answers were right there in front of him, written by your own hand, but he was terrified of what they were. Because some sick and twisted part of him thought that it was better to never know for sure, that burning the letter before ever reading it would save him even more grief. But Levi also knew that you wouldn’t waste resources as expensive as ink and paper on something that you didn’t deem important, and so he remained at this stalemate with himself.

He then glanced over at the single photo on his desk and spotted your rare smiling face staring back at him, that glint of a dare in your eyes as if you were telling him to go for it. So Levi sighed and brought out the slips of paper, unfolding them so that he could read what you intended to be your last words to him:

_ Levi, _

_ If you’re reading this, then you know that I broke my promise. And I am sorry. Trust me, I didn’t want to go out the way I did, either. But you know that. I’m surprised I managed to keep this away from you until the very end. You know how awful I am at keeping secrets from you. _

_ And I’m rambling again, but that just shows you how much I don’t want this to happen despite accepting it. _

_ I’m sick, Levi. I’m going to die because I’m sick. And there’s nothing to blame except my lousy luck and my genetics. Do NOT blame yourself. If you do, I swear I’ll haunt your ass until you stop it. We both know that I’ll find a way to do it. _

_ And you’re going to live for the both of us, you got it? I will never forgive you if you shorten what could remain of an amazing life. You have to take care of those kids (yes, our squads are our children at this point; don’t scowl just because I’m telling the truth). Teach them, bond with them, love them. Because I’m not there to do that anymore, you’re going to have to do enough for two. And talk to Hanji. They and Erwin may not have gotten to where we are, but they still loved each other to the end. Hanji will understand way more than you think. _

_ Let’s be honest here; you’ve barely read a word of this so far because you’re looking for answers. I know you just as well as you know me, Ackerman, which is why I’m glad I decided to write it all down anyway. That’s the beauty of letters. You can reread them. _

_ And stop muttering under your breath that I’m being a brat. _

_ I didn’t tell you because I wanted my last days with you to be happy, as cliché as that sounds. I need those days, Levi. They’re going to be the only way that I can accept dying. I don’t want to be stuck in the infirmary or have you treating me like I’m made of glass. I want all of those expeditions outside of the walls, those little smirks you make when you’re amused, and as much sex as we can get. I want to be a woman who is able to show her love for her husband. And if you knew how bad I’m gonna get, you would be destroying yourself far worse than you are now because you would have felt helpless. We both know that’s true, even as you deny it. _

_ So, here’s what you’re going to do for me, okay? You’re going to grieve, but you are NOT going to let that stop you from living the life that we wanted to have. Go on every adventure that you can think of, make the most of the time you have left, and when somebody else comes around because I know someone will despite how much work it takes, you are going to love that person. And you are not going to use me as a scapegoat, Ackerman. I forbid it. _

_ You are the best man that I could have ever asked for, scars and past and all the rest. You overcame so much, and I know that you can overcome so much more, this included. So go on, spread your wings of freedom. You earned it. And I’ll be there for you, especially when the time comes. Just have me wait as long as possible. _

_ I love you, Levi. So please, go live your life. _

_ Love, _

_ (F/N) (L/N)-Ackerman _


	2. Armin

All soldiers of the Scouting Regiment were saddened over your death, but it hit the hardest to your squadmates, fellow officers, and most of all, your husband. Hell, Commander Hanji had been the only one to see Captain Levi since the day you died.

Armin was taking it much harder than anyone thought he would, himself included. He knew that he was going to be a blubbering mess, at the very least. But what he didn’t expect was all this anger in his soul. 

_ Is this how Eren feels on a daily basis? _

You had been the one who helped him bring up to par and even excel in what he thought he lacked as a scout. You were the one who took him in and shaped him into the soldier he was today. You were the one that believed in him when he didn’t even believe in himself.

You made him no longer afraid of sacrificing himself for the greater good, much like your previous subordinates. Your previous squads, always highly skilled, were always among the first to make the sacrifices that Commander Erwin demanded of them. They were the ones who knew without a doubt that they were the most likely to die from the day they were assigned under you, and rather than curse their ill fortune, you taught them to appreciate every day they had and live it like it was their last, and that when that day came, fight like hell to make sure it wasn’t, so that even if they did fail, they would die without regrets. 

And you didn’t even get the chance to make that sacrifice yourself. You’d overcome it all just for a damn sickness to take you away. And that pissed Armin off, taking everyone by surprise. Even Jean and Eren had steered clear of each other in fear of what the blond may end up doing if pushed too far by their bickering. 

So what did Armin do with all this anger like he had every time you managed to stir that fire in him to get him to fight back? 

He trained. For hours on end. Even put a couple of the newest transfers into the infirmary before everyone became too scared to spar with him for a while. 

_ “Form’s getting sloppy there, Arlert. Take a breather.” _

_Great, now I'm hearing your voice in my head._

And the training grounds are where Commander Hanji Zoe found him and called out his name. 

The younger scout made an abrupt turn with a salute that would put even the veterans to shame. Hanji waved it off with a sad smile saying, “We found letters addressed to everyone in (F/N)’s desk. Yours was the second on the pile.”

Armin bristled before grabbing a nearby towel and wiping himself down as he responded, “I figured that would have been you.”

“(F/N) always had an inkling for whoever needed her the most at any given time.”

They then placed the letter in his hand and continued, “We all know that she would have wanted to keep me in suspense for as long as possible anyway. Do you know where I can find Eren?”

“Probably in the kitchen.”

“Thank you.”

The commander began making their way back inside, only to about-face and say, “(F/N) really cared about you, Armin. I’ve never heard her praise or worry over another comrade more than you.”

He just gave his commander a stiff nod and let them go on with their day. After a few moments, he grabbed his jacket, placed the letter in his breast pocket, and made his way inside himself, tying his hair back.

_ “You keep letting it grow like that and your vision’s going to be compromised.” _

_ Stop it. She’s gone. She’s not coming back. _

Once Armin reached his room, he locked the door, took off his boots, curled into a ball on his bed, and pulled the envelope out. His hands shaking, he tore it open and read:

_ Armin, _

_ Remember that first day of one-on-one training when I said that there was going to come a time when I’m not there anymore? Well, it’s here, as much as I hate to admit it. _

_ I know that keeping this away from you was not a good show of the trust I’ve put in you, but please give me the chance to explain before you shred or burn or drown this letter. Believe it or not, I am trying my hardest to be serious here. _

_ You are like a son to me, Armin. In every sense of the word. Hell, with the life I chose, I never thought that I would be given the chance, but then you marched right into HQ, scared half to death and needing a guiding hand. So thank you for that. I mean it. _

_ So why didn’t I tell you? I didn’t want you to suffer any more than you already had to because of the military branch you’re in. And I really didn’t want you to stop putting in all your effort when now was the time to do as much as you can so that you can continue exploring the world. Finding out just how far that ocean goes would be a great start. _

_ I was also being selfish, I’ll admit. I wanted to spend the rest of my life as happy as possible, especially considering it’s been one shitstorm after another. I know it’s not a proper reason, but it’s one all the same.  _

_ And I know that I’m asking a lot right now given the circumstances, but could you please watch over Levi for me? You’re the only one I can trust to let him be happy when someone new comes around because, let’s face it, the others are going to need to take some convincing. I’m trusting your judgment for deciding who’s good for him, Armin. And I’m counting on you to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid. _

_ Like I said, well, wrote before, it’s a lot to ask for. But if anyone can do it, it’s you. Because you are so much stronger than any of us, yourself included, like to believe. And you wanna know how I know? Because I made sure you were the day I started training you. So don’t you dare let me down. I mean it. _

_ Keep going, Armin. And never look back. _

_ Love, _

_ (F/N) (L/N)-Ackerman _


	3. Eren

It took who knew how many years, but Eren Jaeger had finally put his anger to good use: scrubbing the hell out of the dirty dishes. Who knew that it would take you dying to find a constructive way to release his anger?

_ I certainly didn’t. _

That, and he was a little too fearful for his life to try sparring with Armin any time soon.

So of course he clenched his teeth when he heard Hanji call his name and ask, “Do you have a few minutes?”

“I am not in the mood for experiments, Commander. So--Oh, fuck!”

The titan shifter had broken the plate he’d been scrubbing in half, cutting his hand in the process. Rather than go on another rage, however, he took a deep breath, tossed the broken plate into the garbage, wrapped a towel around his hand as he waited for his healing factor to kick in, and drained the now bloody water, muttering about having to waste resources because of his own lack of judgment.

Hanji placed a hand on Eren’s shoulder and responded, “I wasn’t going to ask about an experiment, Eren. I was going to give you something that (F/N) left for you.”

“Well, if she hadn’t died, she wouldn’t have had to leave me anything, now would she?” he snapped out before hanging his head in shame as he muttered, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Eren, it’s been hard on all of us. You don’t have to apologize.”

“...Squad Leader (F/N) defended me from the moment we all found out about my shifting. Hell, she was the one that convinced Captain Levi I was worth all the pomp and circumstance when Commander Erwin couldn’t. She did so much for me and I…I couldn’t even do a damn thing to help her while she was dying. We could have used the serum--”

“(F/N) received the news after we’d already used it, Eren. There was nothing we could have done, no way any of us could have known.”

Both stood in silence for a few moments before the newest commander of the Survey Corps placed his letter on a nearby table and said, “And (F/N) of all people knew it better than anyone. She didn’t blame anyone, Eren. She accepted the fact that she was going to die one way or another years ago.”

Hanji then made their way out of the kitchen, giving their subordinate one last sad smile as they said, “(F/N) went about it this way for her own reasons because it was her decisions to make, Eren. And she learned that she had them from you.”

The titan shifter was then left alone in the kitchen debating whether or not he should finish his duties before even trying to open the letter. As he took one look at his still-healing hand, Eren sighed and sat at the table, using a spare knife that had been left there to open the envelope with his other hand. Steeling his nerves, the young man read:

_ Eren, _

_ Well damn. You’re gonna live longer than me after all, you suicidal bastard. And don’t even waste your energy getting pissed off. I’m six feet under, so unless you plan on digging me up (and pissing off Levi) just to go all titan out on a flesh sack, I will haunt you until the day you’re the same thing.  _

_ So, to put it plainly. I’ll be dead by the time you read this. And you are more likely than not pissed off. Completely understandable, by the way.  _

_ Here’s the thing, Jeager: I am too. So there’s no reason for both of us to be pissed off when I have more than enough anger all on my own. Hell, I almost beat the shit out of the doctor that told me. I mean, come on. I go through years of service in the Survey Corps just to get killed off by a goddamn disease. Believe me when I tell you that my life has to be whatever deity is up in the sky’s dark comedy. And it absolutely  _ **_sucks._ **

_ But if I learned anything from my years in this regiment, it’s that my life was always going to end at some point. It’s just that mine ended in a way that none of us really expected. I sure as hell didn’t, even though I should have seen the signs sooner. But I hadn’t been taking care of myself properly. I hadn’t been vigilant enough. _

_ I fucked up, Eren. This was my responsibility and I fucked it up. So, of course, I was angry, because I could have done something about it. Or that’s what I initially thought. You see, this disease has been in my family line for generations. Over half of them have died from it, and the lucky few who hadn’t still passed on the chance to their kids. I was more likely than not to be diagnosed with it, and the life I led increased my chances, but I chose to live rather than cower away in fear despite it.  _

_ So yes, I’m angry about it. Yes, I’m depressed that my life is going to be shorter than I wanted it to be. But as soon as I told Hanji, we made a plan to make what time I had left mean something. I wasn’t going to let this disease define me because that would have been admitting defeat. And you know more than anyone how much I hate doing that. _

_ So here’s what I want you to do, Jeager. I want you to stop being angry  _ **_for_ ** _ me. Hell, be pissed  _ **_at_ ** _ me for as long as you need to be, but do not be angry just because I’m not there to feel it myself anymore. _

_ And please do not let your anger control your life, okay? Do not let that be your legacy, Eren. You’ve done too much good in this fucked up world for that to be all anyone remembers you by. Please. I am begging you not to be who I was for so many years. Do not waste your life like that. Learn from my mistakes. _

_ Lead a better example for those that follow after you. Because what they learn from you is going to be your legacy. Be a good man. Be a kind man. Be the best man that you can be. _

_ I’m still watching you like a hawk. Remember that. _

_ Love, _

_ (F/N) (L/N)-Ackerman _


	4. Mikasa

She had left Eren alone without so much as a complaint on the shifter’s part, and that alone spoke just how much your death had shaken everyone. Hell, it made even the newest recruits feel the weight of it all despite not really getting the chance to acquaint themselves with you.

No. Instead, Mikasa Ackerman was sitting on top of the wall and staring out over the horizon, her thoughts swirling with all of the memories of when you had protected Eren and Armin in her stead.

You were the one that led the team that tracked down Eren and Historia when they had been taken.

You were the one that consoled Armin after he had killed his first person. 

You had been the one who took the rifle from the Military Police officer in the courtroom.

_ And I never even thanked you, Squad Leader. I always thought...that I would have the chance once this was all over. But it’s too late now.  _

“I think you could do with backing away a couple of paces,” Hanji said, breaking Mikasa out of her thoughts. To be fair, the young woman was a little too close to the edge of the wall, and with her gear placed next to her instead of on her person, Hanji’s worry was warranted.

Mikasa followed her commander’s advice simply to appease them. Hanji sat down next to her and stared at the same view that she had been for the last hour and recalled, “I found (F/N) up here a few nights before she’d been promoted. The scary part was that Levi wasn’t with her. They were practically bound at the hip, especially after their first expedition.”

Hanji chuckled before they continued, “Hell, she asked me if I really thought we had a shot at making Erwin’s pipe dreams come true.”

“She doubted him?”

“Shocking, right? But that first expedition took out more of her than she ever let on. Erwin was the one that found her and Levi after they’d been separated from the rest of the regiment in one of the worst rainstorms that year. They were covered from head to toe in steaming titan blood and were almost out of gas. Apparently (F/N) had to stop Levi from killing Erwin then and there, but nobody’s heard about that day directly from anyone involved, so it could be a wild rumor for all we know.”

“What did you tell her that night?”

“Heh, funny enough, I don’t remember a word of what I said. But she never told Levi about it, so I must have said something right.”

The commander handed over the letter saying, “Maybe that’s what she left in mine. (F/N) always did have a sharper memory than most. Before I can find out though, I need to deliver the others.”

Mikasa murmured a small “Thank you” before she was left alone with a letter from a dead woman. What the contents inside could be, she didn’t have a clue. It’s not like the two of you were particularly close. Not like you had been with Armin and Jean, anyway. You took those two under your wing from the get-go. And because you were part of the two squads responsible for Eren, it was only natural that you got to know him. 

_ I’ve never even had a one-on-one conversation with you, Squad Leader. What could you possibly have to say to me? _

Before she knew it, she had torn open the envelope and began to scan over the contents of your writing.

_ Mikasa, _

_ There’s no point in sugarcoating anything with you, so here it is: I’m dead. _

_ It’s scary how two words can change the entire atmosphere of a room. But you’ve known Death since you were a kid, haven’t you? That tends to be a tradition among the Ackermans and (L/N)s. A shitty one, but a tradition nonetheless. _

_ But you still have people to take care of, just as you always have. And I am incredibly grateful that you’re still there, because I don’t think that Eren could survive much without you around. And Armin still needs you, too. I just gave him a little push to last a little longer without you if he needed to. _

_ They’re not the only ones who need you at this point, and you know it. The rest of the squad needs you just as much as you need every single one of them.  _

_ And there will come a time when another person is gone. I don’t know who the hell it’s going to be, and I won’t until it happens. But you have to be able to keep going no matter who it is, just like now. Especially if it’s Eren or Armin.  _

_ You have to swear to me that when their times come, you will NOT waste what remains of your own life. And you are NOT going to do anything that is going to shorten whatever time you have left. Swear to me, Mikasa. _

_ You need to be able to stand on your own two feet when it comes. And I am not being a hypocrite. I have had to be self-sufficient since the day I was born. It’s par for the course for a kid raised in the Underground to do whatever it takes to survive or die trying. Levi and I were just the miracle story among the thousands of others that ended up the same way we could have. _

_ So please, if anything, do not let yourself become unable to go on unless you have someone there to be your crutch. You have achieved so much even with it. Just imagine what you can do on your own. _

_ Please, Mikasa. I am begging you. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ (F/N) (L/N)-Ackerman _


	5. Jean

Jean had finally shucked out the last of the horse stalls. It had taken longer than necessary due to the few brave souls who sparred with Armin also being the ones assigned to stable duty with the dual-colored haired young man, but Jean wasn’t going to complain. It gave him time to himself, to come to terms with what had happened. Alas, his thoughts turned to memories instead of acceptance.

_ “You’re really starting to take that nickname to heart, aren’t ya?” you stated, leaning against the entrance to the stables with your arms crossed. _

_ “Just trying to stay as far away from Jeager as I can get,” he replied as he finished grooming his own horse, making you snort as you walked over to Ranger, offering a handful of oats that he practically inhaled.  _

_ You turned your gaze onto the younger scout as you said, “One of these days, you’re going to have to learn how to get along with each other. I won’t always be there to save your ass from getting handed to you.” _

_ “Isn’t that why you’re personally training Armin and me in the first place?” _

_ “No. I’m personally training you and Armin because I think you two are going to be the ones running this place after us vets either kick the can or become smart enough to retire.” _

_ “W-Wait a minute! What makes you think I’d make a good enough leader to run the entire regiment!? Squad Leader! You can’t just say something like that and walk away like it’s nothing!” _

You did eventually answer his question. It just took three straight months of tailing you like a lost puppy and not backing down from any punishment threat you made. 

Jean pulled off his gloves and bandana, wiping off the sweat on his face with the latter as he made his way over to your old horse. Patting Ranger’s snout, he offered the steed a carrot that was slowly eaten.

Hell, even your horse was grieving over your death. If Jean hadn’t insisted on staying there and practically scowling at Ranger long enough for the horse to give in and eat something, the black stallion would have had to be put down by the end of the week.

With that thought in mind, Kirschtein placed his forehead’s against Ranger’s and commanded, “You’re not leaving us, too. I’m not letting you. Not now.”

He still remembers the drills that he and Armin went through in regards to horseback riding alongside combat riding. Hell, you looked more in your element on a horse than they’d ever seen you. You’d even grinned at the two of them at one point, and that meant so much more than any compliments you paid them. You were like Captain Levi in that regard, you kept your emotions close to your chest. Hell, that was one of maybe three similarities that anyone could see off the bat between the two of you.

“I see that you and Ranger have finally learned to get along,” Hanji stated upon walking in and seeing the sight. 

Jean chuckled halfheartedly as he responded, “Not really. He’s still stubborn as a mule.”

Ranger snorted indignantly, to which Kirschtein replied, “You know it’s true.”

He then turned his attention back onto his commander as he asked, “So what have I done now?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to give you this. (F/N) wanted you to have it,” Hanji replied, fixing their glasses as they handed him the envelope. His eyebrows shot up to his forehead as he sputtered out, “When did you--”

“I found it and the others while cleaning out (F/N)’s desk this morning. Thanks to these, she’s been having me run all over HQ today. And since I still haven’t delivered them all, I better be heading off.”

And just like that, Jean was left amongst the horses, and Ranger was stomping his hoof impatiently in order to gain the human’s attention. Jean shook his head as he settled the horse down saying, “Okay, okay! Jeez, give me a second here.”

With the stallion once again calm, he broke the seal and opened the letter, reading aloud:

_ Jean, _

_ Well damn, look at how this ended up. Quite the turn of events, don’t you think? And you lot were saying that Levi and I would live forever. Not that I blame you, of course. We still look like we’re in our mid-twenties. Maybe the Underground gave us something good after all. _

_ Now, don’t you dare start feeling guilty about some dumb joke you all made when even I didn’t know I was sick. I’m trying to be more lighthearted and granted, this probably isn’t the best time. Can you tell just how shitty I am at this? _

_ What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want that cocky little shit to go away just because I’m not there to smack you upside the head anymore when you pass the limit. Granted, Levi’s probably more than willing to take the job. _

_ Jean, let me be honest with you on this: I am terrified. And because I’m terrified, I’m trying to mask it, like every other time I’m scared. I don’t want to die, I really don’t. But I don’t have a choice, and I think that’s what scares me the most. Every other time I thought I was going to die, it was because it was my decisions and my drive to save someone else. But this illness, this disease, didn’t give me a choice on the matter. It just showed up and said, “You’ve got a limited amount of time left. Don’t waste it.” _

_ I cried and screamed and threw shit and everything in between. There are days where I just want to tell someone to ease this pain in my chest. Hanji’s been a great friend for keeping it a secret, so please don’t be angry with them. They were just doing what I asked of them. _

_ But I’m not just telling, well, writing you this for no damn reason, Jean. You of all people understand the power that fear can have over people. And that’s why I know you’ll make a great leader. I know that I’m just repeating what I’ve said in the past. I also happen to know a certain horse that will help in that. Yes, Jean. Ranger is all yours. And if Levi starts giving you hell about it, show him the damn letter. That’s sure to shut him up more than anything else. _

_ Keep your head up, Jean. _

_ Love, _

_ (F/N) (L/N)-Ackerman _


	6. Sasha

She couldn’t eat. For the life of her, Sasha could not eat. She would just stare at her snack stash and sigh before attempting to distract herself. If you could see her now, you’d probably be asking what the hell was wrong with her, your eyebrows furrowed the smallest bit in worry and your arms crossed. Oh, she’d give up eating all the way if it meant that you would be here as the tough mother figure you were. Especially for the odd occasions when you spoiled the hell out of your subordinates; Sasha had always been the easiest to please because you’d sneak her some food from the various dignitary functions Commander Erwin had dragged you to practically kicking and screaming as a representative of the regiment.

Sasha was brought out of her reverie when someone knocked on the door to her room. Sighing, she closed the box to her snack stash and placed it under her bed before she opened the door and made a half-assed salute upon seeing her commander. Hanji waved it off as they asked, “May I come in?”

“O-Of course,” Sasha responded as she walked back to her bunk, leaving her door wide open for Hanji to come in saying, “I-I swear I haven’t snuck anything from the kitchens, Commander.”

“You’re not in any trouble, Sasha. (F/N) left something for you, and I wanted to give it to you.”

The younger soldier’s eyes brightened in hope for a second before the Potato Girl realized that she had misheard her commander. Sasha sighed as she brought her knees up to her chin and responded, “Oh. Thank you, Commander.”

Hanji frowned at the lack of energy in the young woman’s voice as they placed the letter on her desk, only to say upon taking their leave, “You should eat something, Sasha. She wouldn’t want you torturing yourself like this.”

“She didn’t want to die either, Commander.”

She had said it so quietly that Hanji was half convinced they imagined the statement. And rather than put the young soldier through more pain at the moment, they made their way out.

Sasha turned her own gaze onto the envelope for what felt like hours before taking a deep breath, grabbing it, tearing it open, and unfolding the parchment to read: 

_ Sasha, _

_ Well, kid. Looks like you get a bigger ration now. Yeah, that was a shitty joke, but when have I ever been particularly funny to begin with? _

_ But seriously, Sasha: eat something. Nobody wants to see you die from starving yourself. Especially if the reasoning is because you miss a no-good asshat like me. Trust me, I’m not worth it. Don’t tell Levi I said that, though. He may dig me back up just to kick my ass. _

_ But seriously, Sasha. Don’t wither away thinking that it’ll bring me back. I tried doing that, and it didn’t work. But the fact was that this disease wasn’t going to leave my body just because I laid in bed and refused to eat. So instead of wasting what time I had left, I got up. I ate. I trained. I worked. I made memories. So please, do the same. Why? Because I’m asking you to. _

_ Granted, that really doesn’t have much merit anymore. I can’t storm into your room and order you to get your ass into gear anymore, after all. _

_ There is no bringing me back, Sasha. There was no possible way that I could have gotten better. There is no way that I can dig myself out of my own grave and walk straight to the showers to keep Levi off of my case on bringing dirt inside HQ. _

_ So please, Sasha. Stop trying to save me when I’m already gone. There is not a bargaining chip in the world that can bring someone back from the dead. So eat and live as long as you’ve got left. I may not be there physically anymore, but I’ll keep an eye out for all of you, because all of you are my family, whether I wanted you to become it or not. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ (F/N) (L/N)-Ackerman _


	7. Connie

He’d been cleaning the same window for the last twenty minutes, a blank stare on his face. And so when Hanji accidentally slammed the door against the wall when they entered the room, Connie jumped about three feet in the air, nearly spilling his bucket. The commander began to apologize, only for the young soldier to wave it off as he put the cleaning supplies aside and responded, “Sorry, Commander. I’ve been slow today.”

“Nobody can blame you for that. We’re all taking (F/N)’s death hard.”

“Are you sure she’s not just on a solo mission?”

Connie caught himself before he could continue making a fool of himself and apologized for asking, to which Hanji patted him on the shoulder saying, “It’s fine, Connie. Half the time I think she’s coming around the corner of a hallway.”

“I just can’t wrap my head around it, Commander. Squad Leader (F/N) didn’t even act like she was sick. She was just as active as she’d ever been. How could she have died from an illness?”

“(F/N)’s always been stubborn, Connie. And an incredibly good actress when she wanted to be. She left this for you.”

“W-Why would she leave me anything? Squad Leader (F/N) and I were never very close.”

“You were a comrade and a squadmate, Connie. To (F/N), you were family.”

The young man sighed as he finally accepted the letter. As Hanji made their way to the door, he called out, “Commander? Do you remember what she told everyone before she…she died?”

“All I remember from that day is Levi trying to beat the shit out of me. I’m sorry, Connie.”

“No, it’s fine. Thank you, Commander.”

With that, Hanji nodded and made their way out, gently closing the door behind them. Connie turned his attention onto the envelope within his hands before he made his way over to a nearby chair to break the seal.

_First Mom, and now you, Squad Leader._

Taking a deep breath, he pulled the paper out and unfolded it to read:

_Connie,_

_For all it’s worth, I’m sorry that I have the shittiest timing in the world. You finally get completely on your feet again after what happened with your mom, and I had to ruin it by dying. And I am so sorry for having to put you through this shit again so soon. But there’s nothing that I can do differently this time, just as there’s nothing that you can do._

_So yes, unfortunately, I am dead. And I know that this is going to be hard for you to accept, but you have to do it for your own sanity. I’m long gone, Connie. There’s no possible way that I can come back or survive. Unfortunately, that’s how time and life works, no matter how much we wish it didn’t._

_But you are going to get through this, Connie. You know why? Because you got through what happened to your mom, and I know that I am not nearly as important to you as she is. But first, you have to accept the fact that I am dead. You can’t live in the past for the rest of your life. I know from experience. So please, Connie. Don’t waste any more time on me. I’m not worth it. I will never be worth it because you have a bright future ahead of you._

_Keep your head up, Springer. I’m watching._

_Sincerely,_

_(F/N) (L/N)-Ackerman_


	8. Hanji

Commander Hanji Zoe finally returned to their office at the end of a long day and slid against their door once it shut. They hated not having you around; you were always a good foil to them and weren’t nearly as easily annoyed by them as Levi was. You were always the strong front; now that they had spent the day doing so, they applauded you even more because this shit was exhausting. 

_I see why you never told me how you did it, (F/N)._

Hell, they had been the one to clean out your office in the first place, if only because they knew that you had hidden the letters somewhere within the room. That and Levi sure as hell couldn’t do it himself.

Hanji had seen the guilt eating you up from keeping it a secret and even lying to your own husband about your health. If Levi knew, he pretended not to because whatever it was, you would tell him when you were ready. And you did. Just at the last possible moment.

They were the first person that you came to after your doctor’s appointment. Hell, the only reason you made one in the first place was that you were terrified that you’d become pregnant. But no, you ended up sick from a rare genetic illness, just as so many members of your family had. The only reason you ever had an idea of what the doc had been talking about was that your mother had survived long enough to tell you everything you had to know and that if you did contract it, find a way to a surface doctor as soon as possible.

But you’d noticed too late. With all of the stressful and emotionally draining events the last few years, you had completely forgotten to keep tabs on it, so you ended up living with it undiagnosed for a little over a year. The doc had given you six months tops.

You managed to live seven.

_You always were a stubborn one, (F/N)._

Hanji remembered those first few weeks that consisted of you screaming, crying, throwing shit, and laying in bed in perfect clarity. And so they became your confidant if only to try to help your overwhelming emotions.

Hanji ended up having to help you with basic tasks towards the end when nobody else was around. Hell, they had been the one to write out all of your paperwork as you told them what to write, your body shaking between moments of you coughing up blood.

_You hated me seeing you so “weak.” But you’ve always been one of the strongest people I’ve known. I admired that strength. I still do._

The commander’s eyes filled with tears as they took their glasses off and wiped them away before standing up on shaky legs and making their way over to their desk. On top of all of their paperwork was the letter you had written to them. And it had to be just as thick as Levi’s.

Hanji took a few deep breaths to calm themself down as they put their glasses on and slowly opened the envelope to read your last message. From your handwriting alone, you had written all of your letters shortly after your diagnosis except for theirs. Your normally neat writing had turned shaky from your illness, but the others were the same as it has always been throughout the years that they had known you. How you could have written it without them finding out, they’ll never know. 

_Well, I may as well read it now._

_Hanji,_

_You’re the only one who knows why I’ve written all these letters, and for that, I thank you. I know that these aren’t the easiest secrets to keep, but I know that you will. You’ve always kept your promises to me._

_I don’t think that I could have gotten through all of this without you. You have been there whenever I needed you, no matter how inconvenient it’s been on your end. And I am sorry for whatever Levi does to you the second he finds out you knew all along, I really am. But you and I both know that he wouldn’t have been able to survive if he had to do everything that you’ve done for me. All of his strength is already at its limits. He wouldn’t have been able to get back up after being my rock throughout all this._

_You, on the other hand, have this uncanny ability to bounce back. You are always able to take and give more._

_Hell, you’ve seen me at my absolute worst, Hanji. The day you came into my office with a bottle of Sina’s finest whiskey was the day I planned to end it all. I’d just finished Levi’s initial letter and was just waiting for the right time. Then you barged in with a bottle of the good stuff and said, “If you’ve only got so much time left, I need to treat you like the goddamn queen.”_

_And then you asked why I was crying (again), but I bullshitted my way out of giving you the real answer. The minute you left, I burned that letter and started writing a new one. And then I wrote to every single other living person I could think of that gave a damn about me._

_You saved me one last time before the end of the line, Hanji._

_Because of that, I didn’t know what to leave in your letter for the longest time. Everyone else was easy because they didn’t know. But you’ve been there with me every step of the way, Hanji. You’re still doing all kinds of shit for me even though I’m gone._

_You’ve been the sibling I didn’t think I would ever have again after Furlan and Isabel died. You’ve stuck with me no matter how much of a pain in the ass I’ve been. So thank you. For everything you’ve done for me._

_But now’s the time for me to do something for you. Lift that burden of taking care of shit for me off your shoulders, Hanji. I’m not there to protect or take care of anymore, and even though you’re in charge, you also need to take care of yourself._

_Again, thank you Hanji. I will never forget it. Please heal._

_Love,_

_(F/N) (L/N)-Ackerman_


	9. Epilogue: (F/N)

You sat on the top of your gravestone about a week after Hanji had delivered all of your letters, a melancholy smile on your face as you looked out over the horizon. Erwin and Mike stood to the right of you while Furlan and Isabel were on your left. Your old squadmates were off in the distance, laughing and joking as you always remembered them acting. 

You were grateful that you weren’t alone.

Mike took a quick sniff before saying, “They’re finally putting your advice into action...Huh, they’re up to something.”

“What?” you asked, your legs swinging up and down, half of the time going through your tombstone and back out again.

“Look and see,” Erwin responded, nodding over to a rather large group making its way over to the cemetery.

“Big Bro’s leading them over,” Isabel pointed out, to which you frowned as you observed, “He looks even grumpier now.”

“Well, it’s Levi. He tends to bottle things up. Like a certain woman I know,” Furlan chuckled out, to which you swatted him in the shoulder.

“Hanji’s got something over their shoulder. Everyone does,” Erwin pointed out, to which your eyes narrowed more than they already had.

_What the hell are they up to?_

Hanji and Levi turned to the others upon arriving, the former asking, “Did everyone finish?”

“Finish what?” you asked despite knowing you weren’t going to receive a response. The large group of the living simply nodded and revealed what they had in their sacks: stacks of tins and letters. Your eyes widened as Hanji dismissed everyone from formation and they all stopped by every gravesite, placing the letters in the tins and leaving them at the various gravestones. 

Levi stood directly in front of yours as he set the tin down directly in the center of your gravestone muttering, “I love you. I know I never said it, but I mean it. I made you a promise, and I’ll be damned if I break it now. It’s why I’m here with all these brats.”

You couldn’t help the tears that began streaming down your face as he said, “I’ll be back soon.”

He then went off in the direction of Furlan and Isabel’s graves before returning to Hanji’s side after the commander placed their last tin on Erwin’s grave. Within an hour, every single grave had a tin with at least one letter inside.

Once everyone had gathered together again, the one dubbed Shitty Glasses dismissed the regiment once again. A couple of recruits made their way back to the castle immediately, the majority took the time to spend a few moments with those that had given their lives and thank them for their service. You had quite a few people that you hadn’t even spoken to stop in front of your grave and whisper their thanks, although that may have had more to do with the fact that Eren, Armin, and Jean scowled at anyone who attempted to pass you by without doing so.

You chuckled at their antics. After a few hours, the only living souls left in the cemetery were those of your final squad, and you were honestly nervous over the whole situation. You’d wanted them to go out in the world, not stand here wasting their time on you.

Connie and Sasha were the first pair to come up to your tombstone, and when they had, they gave you the best salutes you’d ever seen out of the two of them before they placed their letters in your tin.

Connie then said, “Thank you for everything, Squad Leader. Even gone, you’re still looking out for all of us.”

“You were the best we could have asked for, even when we got on your nerves,” Sasha finished with a small giggle before taking out a roll and nibbling on it. You shook your head at her antics as they talked for a few more moments. While there was still grief in their eyes, there was more hope than you could have asked for.

Both bid you farewell with one last salute and made their way back to HQ, and it wasn’t long before Eren and Mikasa took their place, the former saying, “You always knew what to say to keep me from doing something stupid, Squad Leader. I only wished I listened a little more.”

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for us. We will never forget it,” Mikasa murmured, and your tears started flowing again, which led to Erwin and Furlan placing their hands on your shoulders as the titan shifter and younger Ackerman continued. You tried to wipe them away when they left, but it was for naught.

Armin and Jean were up next, so you leaned your head on Furlan’s shoulder while his grip on your shoulder tightened the smallest bit as the boys, no, the young men, that you had taken under your wing when they were fresh out of their first expedition came forward. They were your pride and joy, so you felt justified in becoming a hot mess of hiccups and tears as you ignored your fellow deceased chuckling at you.

Armin kneeled in front of your grave and traced over your name as he said, “I promise that I will do everything in my power to do what you’ve asked of me. I refuse to let what you’ve taught me to go to waste.”

Once he stood, Jean continued, “You never gave up on us, Squad Leader. No matter how shitty we would be on a day in training. You made us into more than soldiers. You helped make us grown-ass men. Thank you.”

Both gave you simultaneous perfect salutes, making you flat out lose it. If you weren’t already dead, you’d be worried about the lack of air you’d be getting at the moment. Erwin patted your leg while Isabel wrapped her arms around your waist and Furlan gave you a brotherly peck on the forehead. Last, but not least, Levi and Hanji stood before you.

The latter of the two shook their head as they directed their comment to the short man next to you saying, “She’d be proud of you for coming up with all of this.”

Your eyes widened as your husband responded, “Tch, nobody needs to know that. As far as I’m concerned, you can take all the fucking credit.”

“Thanks. I need as much good PR as I can get for funding.”

Levi rolled his eyes as your amazing friend kneeled and stared at your name as they said, “No matter what you wrote, there’s always going to be a piece of us that you took with you, just like every other soldier buried here. We’ll pick ourselves back up, but we will never forget you.”

The commander kissed their palm and placed it next to your name as they continued, “And make sure Erwin and the others don’t get into too much trouble before we get there, okay?”

You wished now more than ever that you could hug this amazing person.

They stood back up, gave Levi a nod and a pat on the shoulder, and made their way back inside saying, “Take as much time as you need, Shorty. We’ll be here when you’re ready.”

He returned their nod before his attention returned to your tombstone, and your fellow deceased made their way a fair distance to give the two of you some privacy. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier was at his wit’s end, and you could see it plain as day in his eyes. Your gaze also landed on the glint of the rings around his neck as he said, “I was so pissed off when I first read that letter.”

You chuckled. It was just like Levi, and the fact that you brought a little of him back was good enough for you, so you listened to your husband as he continued, “It was like you wanted me to forget that you ever existed. Before I did something I would regret though, I decided to see how all the brats were taking it. So of course they were all in the mess hall talking about nothing else. You had your hand in that somehow, I bet.”

“You know me too well,” you chuckled out, despite knowing that he couldn’t hear you.

Levi paused for a few moments to gather his thoughts before he said, “Then I overheard what they were saying, and not a single one of them felt that way. So I went back to my office and reread the damn thing. And I highly doubt that there will ever be anyone else, (F/N). But you always had to have contingencies so that we were prepared. It’s probably what kept us alive. So if it does happen, I’ll try.”

He wiped away the few tears that had escaped and finished, “I am never going to forget you. And I am going to do everything I can to fulfill that decades-long promise. You just have to promise me something now. If there is an afterlife, don’t spend it worrying over the rest of us. Rest in peace, (F/N). We’ll let you know when we need you. That’s why we did all this, after all.”

You smiled despite the tears streaming down your cheeks and leaned closer to your husband as you attempted to peck him on the lips one last time. His eyes widened as you pulled away and he whispered your name. All you did was smile softly as you said, “You still find ways to amaze me.”

A slight breeze picked up, and Levi let a small grin appear as he said, “Get going, brat. We’ve both got our responsibilities now.”

You chuckled as his face returned to its normal expression and he proceeded to make his way back to the castle. Furlan and Isabel stood on either side of you, the latter saying, “I think Big Bro’s going to be okay.”

“You should be proud, (F/N). They all cared about you,” Furlan commented, to which you chuckled as your eyes teared up again and you responded, “I always have been. Most of them just never knew it.”

Everyone else had already gone back to their humble abodes save you three and Erwin, who placed a hand on your shoulder as he asked, “You ready?”

“I didn’t think I would be, but I am.”

He chuckled as the four of you began walking down the path and turned back to look at the castle one last time. And while you couldn’t be certain, you thought that you saw your final squad observing the four of you as you saluted and turned back around, dissipating into the air.


End file.
